That's why
by FreakyPumpkin
Summary: One-Shot; during CoA after the 'We are not dating'-discussion. Magnus tries to get some rest, but sleep won't come. Somebody else knocks at the door of the guest room instead. (Rated T beacuse I am paranoid) and some other one-shots with those two as well. :3
1. That's why

**Hi :) yeah, I thought I'd try a One-Shot. It didn't quite turn out the way I planned it to, but as that applies to most of my writing ... it's nothing new. I hope you'll so like it. **

**So, I was rereading that part in City of Ashes where Magnus heals Maia and Luke and afterwards they have that 'We are not dating'-discussion and I just felt like writing some Malec-scene that could be placed after that. It might have turned out a bit more depressing than planned, but then again their 'relationship' isn't very 'happy' at that moment either, so I hope it kind of just ... works. I'm perfectly aware that it might not work with the rest of the etc, but - as already said - I just felt like writing it. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, just the mistakes. (Oh, and as I am not a native speaker, I apologize for terrible grammar.) **

**That's why**

The exhaustion of the heart was a different kind than the one of the body. When Magnus' magical resources were depleted, he was physically exhausted. Then he would sleep a bit; maybe one night, maybe two, maybe another day, maybe longer - time hand't really mattered to him anyway. The feeling of exhaustion was temporary. It would go away. His heart was a different matter.

He didn't feel the pain, the tiredness of its beats, when he was asleep. In his sleep everything was fine, because it was a world he could control - to a certain degree - but no matter how much he wished to, he couldn't change the world around him. He couldn't change the one heart, he had started to care about so much lately.

Magnus let out an exasperated sigh and buried his face in his hands.

„Who am I kidding", he muttered under his breath. Of course he could. He wasn't the High warlock of Brooklyn for nothing. He could. He could do a lot of things. He knew a lot of things. He knew the consequences and he knew that he wouldn't be able to live with them.

He could kidnap Alec. He could just tell his parents about their ,relationship' - or whatever it was. He could kill them all and it wouldn't get him anywhere.

So, why are you still here? Why are you putting yourself through this?, a little voice whispered in the back of his head. A bitter smile spread on Magnus' lips. Yeah, why?

Not caring to take off his shoes, he simply lay down on the bed in the guest room, Clary had shown him. ,To get a little rest.' But strangely sleep was evading him. His body felt drained, but the numbing blackness of a dreamless night wouldn't come. Magnus closed his eyes, It didn't help. With a groan he turned to lay on his left side, facing the wall next to the bed. This surely had to be one of the most frustrating days in his life. One of so many.

The soft creaking sound of the door made him snap out of his dark thoughts. He had left it open a crack, in case the condition of Maia or Luke would unexpectedly worsen during the night. Though they should be fine, but one could never know. To be 100-percent sure was impossible and Magnus really had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the people who asked him, if he really was sure. Yes, he was, based on his experiences, but who would take that?

He knew a lot, he had seen a lot, but not everything and that would never be the case. But he doubted that whoever was standing in front of the door was here to get him because of Maia or Luke. They would have stormed in by now if something was wrong.

As nothing happened, Magnus turned around in the bed, now facing the door at the opposite wall. Someone _stood_ outside. There was a faint shadow to be seen.

A soft knock broke the growing silence.

Magnus raised one eyebrow. He sat up in the bed, cross-legged, and ... waited, curious to see, what would happen next.

„Ah, uhm ... a-are you awake?"

Magnus felt a familiar weight pulling at his heart. Every beat seemed to need more strength than before. It was exhausting and at the same time Magnus felt great fear when he thought about it to disappear, because that would mean to never hear that voice again. The one voice he would recognize anywhere. The voice, that haunted him, whenever Alec wasn't there. Magnus looked up at the ceiling with a silent sigh on his lips.

„Yes", finally answered, his own voice flat and neutral, „I am awake." And he suddenly felt terribly tired.

The door was opened a bit more and Alexander slipped inside, closing it behind himself completely. Magnus watched him patiently as Alec leaned back against the door, his blue eyes cast downwards to the floor. Didn't he dare to come closer? Of course not. His black hair was in chaotic tangles as always, his pale skin a sharp contrast to the ink-black strands and his worn-out sweater and pants suited his disheveled hair in a weird, but fascinating way.

What is it about him?, the little voice whispered again. Magnus couldn't form an answer.

„So, may I ask, why you are-", he began, but was surprisingly cut off by a determined whisper.

„I'm sorry."

Magnus felt the tiredness heavy on his shoulders. Of course. Alec wanted to apologize for what had happened earlier that evening and Magnus would forgive him, as always. If I'd get a penny for every apology of him, I wouldn't have to work anymore, he thought bitterly.

_Why do you put up with him?_

_Shut up!_

„For what?"

Magnus had never taken himself for a cruel person, but sometimes he simply didn't feel very generous either. His eyes were trained on the young shadowhunter in front of him. He could see him visibly tensing up at the question, and then finally lifting his gaze, tearing it away from the floor. An odd mix of fear and determination could be found in those deep blue orbs. Alecs lips were pressed into a thin line as his eyes drifted behind Magnus to focus on a point of the plain, white wall.

„For what happened earlier." His voice was calm and reminded Magnus of a calm lake, whose surface you wanted to touch just to confirm if you could still reach through, breaking that thing border. „Jace-he ... it caught me by surprise. I-i didn't want to ... to deny it so-so strongly."

He wanted to say something else, but stopped himself. It almost seemed like he'd choke on the words and Magnus felt anger growing inside of him. What the hell was it with this boy? Or should he rather ask, what the hell was wrong wit himself?

„And now you want me to forgive you?" It might have come out a bit harsher than intended, but Magnus really couldn't care less at the moment. He even felt a little bit satisfied, when Alec flinched at his words or his tone or whatever. He once again looked down at the floor in front of his feet. When he opened his mouth to respond, Magnus was surprised to see that he squared his shoulders a bit. Only a little bit, but it was a noticeable movement.

„No, I don't." Alec looked back up again and this time he looked right at Magnus, locking their eyes. „I just wanted you to know."

Magnus didn't give a response. He simply looked at Alec as he felt his anger slowly deflating. Like before, it wouldn't get him anywhere. He would only say something he'd regret later and he definitely wasn't in the mood for that.

„And I-i wanted you to know, that it's okay ... that you charge for the healing, I mean, you surely have better things to do and you could ...", he stopped in his rambling and bit his lower lip. Magnus had to fight down a smile. To get to see a new side of Alexander Lightwood, something unexpected, was always kind of beyond fascinating. But to see him fall back into already known habits, felt a little bit like coming home to Magnus.

„You could have said ,no' from the start."

He got up from the bed and walked towards Alec. The shadowhunter watched him approach, but didn't do anything. He didn't leave, he didn't smile, he only stood there and ... waited? Magnus looked down at him and Alec raised his own gaze to meet the one of the warlock.

„You're right", Magnus said softly, the smile, that had been tugging at the corners of his mouth was gone. He felt a cold „That I could have done." And so much more. He put his hands on the left and right side of the shadowhunters head and leaned in a little closer. „I could have declined any further business with the Institute, with the Clave."

Alec nodded slightly. His eyes searching a point somewhere behind Magnus' right shoulder. „Yeah", he whispered and Magnus could feel the boys breath on his skin. „You-"

„I could walk away right now and you'd never have to see me again-"

He felt Alec's body stiffen at his words and the blue orbs of the young shadowhunter were once again locked with the feline ones of the warlock. Big, round, filled with ... Fear? Magnus blinked at the reaction. He also noticed that Alec's hand had shot up to grab his shirt, but had stopped shortly before actually touching the fabric. Alec clenched the hand into a fist and pressed it against his own chest, his eyes still trained on Magnus. He smiled. A smile like shattered glass, like freshly broken ice. Pain shone brightly in his eyes and Magnus wanted to ask what was wrong, but was cut off as Alec leaned forward a little bit and closed the last inches between them. His lips were cold and reminded Magnus of feeling when he ran his fingers through freshly fallen snow.

It was a soft kiss, innocent, short, barely there.

„Thank you", Alec whispered against Magnus' lips, „thank you for looking after Jace, for healing Maia and Luke ... thank you for not walking away."

Magnus could respond anything. He simply stared at Alec as the boy ducked under his arms. As if in trance he stepped back from the door to let Alec leave. The door closed behind him and left Magnus alone in the guest room.

The warlock took a deep breath and walked back to the bed. His lips strutted into a bitter smile. „As if I could ever walk away from you."

His whole body ached from the exhaustion that came from the healing. Every heartbeat vibrated through veins. He was tired, so damn tired. As he lay down on the bed, which was nothing compared to the one at his loft, he already knew that he wouldn't charge for the healing.

_Why are you doing this? Why?_

Magnus' lips were cold and warm at the same time. He could still feel the soft touch, the slight pressure of Alec's lips against his.

_That's why._

******So, please let me know what you think. I am not really that good with One-Shots and I hope it wasn't that bad. :)**

**Please leave a review! Tell me what you liked and what you didn't like. :D You can ask question, whatever you like :) I'll respond!**

**EDIT: And I wanted to ask if anybody might be interested in some other Malec-One-Shots, some not so depressing ones? (seriously, I blame it on Ryan Star's new album u.u) **

**Bye Pumpkin**

**P.S.: For all those among you lovely readers who are waiting for the next chapter of 'Wanted' - it's up next and if everything goes as planned I'll be updating tomorrow. :)**


	2. That's how we feel

**Hi :) well, I promised my dear sweetheart Satyana that I'd practice writing one-shots and I had this idea for quite some time and ... yeah, that are pretty all the reasons I wrote this :) **

**it's just a little idea, that might be stupid and not making sense, but I wanted to get it out of my head. :) And I hope somebody wants to read it. :3 It's set after the battle in CoG. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Only the typos, i own them ALL! **

**That's how we feel **

Magnus knew why he preferred using magic and long-distance fights over close combat. Flesh wounds stung and they wer ugly to look at; torn open skin, clothes soaked in blood, not to mention that the clothes were torn apart too and that blood could ruin the finest fabric. But the worst part was that they couldn't be really ignored. If one got burned by magic or hit by a spell it wasn't necessarily more comfortable and could also be more severe, but it was more subtle. With a claw mark like the one that was running across Magnus' upper arm, his shoulder and a bit down his back he couldn't even put a shirt on to cover it. Hell, he wasn't even able to take off the gear he was wearing and which was torn apart too. But the worst part was somehow the fact that he didn't have enough magic left to change his current situation anytime soon. It was downright frustrating because all he could do was dulling the pain and making sure that the wound wouldn't get infected.

That battle might have only lasted about ten minutes, but demons could be feisty bastards. Though with the thought of the battle Magnus was also reminded of the reason why his magic was so depleted and it brought a smile on his face. A smile that might have turned into a full-blown grin, but the scratch on his right cheek prevented that from happening. Nonetheless a very enjoyable warmth started spreading through his beaten up body. In this battle his magic hadn't been used to only protect himself. He had shared with Alec. His thoughts wandered back to that moment in the Hall of Accords and that alone kind of turned Magnus into a giddy schoolgirl. Only on the inside, of course. He had never expected Alec to really come out anytime soon. Sure, he had said he'd introduce Magnus to his whole family, but Magnus had thought that this would be it. A tiny part of him was still afraid that Alec had done it out of desperation because he had been scared to lose somebody else. His little brother had just died and a nasty little voice in the back of Magnus' head whispered that Alec might already regret what he had done, that now with the adrenaline of the battle fading, he might realize that he had rushed things and that this was the reason it took him so long to get the dressing material like he said he would when he left the room.

Right after the battle everyone who as much knew as how a bandage looked like was needed to treat the wounded. The nephilim were drawing runes like there was no tomorrow, but there were other kinds of wounds that needed different treatment, not to mention those who got poisoned and that downworlders still couldn't bear marks. If Magnus had been in any better condition regarding his magical resources he could have been found limping from one patient to another trying to safe whoever there was. There had been makeshift beds arranged in any building in Idris that was still intact.

Magnus looked around the room he was currently sitting in. He didn't really know were exactly he was, but he was glad that it was one of the less crowded places. He tended to get snappy when he was hurt and couldn't do much about it. Magnus took great pride in his healing abilities and when he couldn't even heal himself ... well, that sucked.

"Hey, did you hear that about the eldest Lightwood kid?", a hushed voice suddenly reached the warlocks ear. It sounded from his right and as he turned his head a bit trying not to attract any attention, he could spot a group of three shadowhunters who were possibly around the same age as Alec. They were sitting near one of the three big windows in the room. (He really should find out where he was.) At least two of them were sitting on a makeshift bed, one supposedly drawing an iratze and the other one was being drawn on to. The third one was standing next to the bed, looking down at his two ... friends?

"What do you mean?", the one who was standing asked. So, the voice Magnus had heard first must have belonged to one of the two sitting guys.

"That he is gay", the one sitting nearest to the window explained furrowing his brow as he carefully moved the tip of the stele across his friend's skin.

"What? Really?", the one standing exclaimed a little loud and clapped his hand over his mouth. He continued with a much lower voice, but Magnus had a hearing good enough that he could still understand them. "The tall one, black hair, blue eyes?"

The one who was getting drawn on to snorted in disbelieving amusement.

"Yes, that one, seriously haven't you seen what he did in the Hall of Accords?"

His friend let out a heavy sigh. "No, I've been outside when it happened. So it really is true? He's dating that warlock?"

Magnus narrowed his eyes a bit. He wasn't quite sure what to make of this conversation. Why was it their business anyway?

"Well, I don't think that he runs around and randomly kisses warlocks", came the sarcastic remark from the on by the window who now raised the stele away from the other's skin.

'I very much hope so', Magnus thought. He still felt a prickling anticipation in his guts. It couldn't take much longer for them to say something mean, to talk about how wrong it was to be gay and even dating a downworlder and Magnus was ready to pounce at that comment. Verbally. He wasn't really in the condition to pack a punch against a shadowhunter who didn't really looked injured enough, in Magnus opinion, and anyway-

"Damn, if I only had known this sooner. I've talked to him a few times during the breaks of the meeting at the Guard. He is really cute."

What the-? Magnus almost choked on his own saliva. It took him a while to regain control over his facial features again.

The two sitting on the bed changed positions and now the one sitting near the window got the rune drawn on. The other one only chuckled.

"Told you. A hottie like him doesn't stay alone for long."

Magnus absent-mindedly nodded at that, but his mind was occupied with something else. It actually shouldn't have surprised him like that. He knew for a fact that Alec wasn't the only gay shadowhunter - which would have also been highly unlikely - and he was extremely handsome; well all shadowhunters had that angelic beauty to them, but Magnus still thought that Alec was special among them. He was also completely unaware of his looks which always had its own kind of magic. So, while in New York the interaction with other people in New York was at a minimum with the few people at the institute. The biggest competition Magnus had ever had was Alec's crush on Jace that would never lead anywhere and Alec's own fears of what anybody else would think, of how people would judge him. Now in Idris there was the case that Alec was out and had not gotten stripped of his marks, he stood out more than before because he was 'the guy that kissed the warlock' and suddenly other people would see him ... really see him. Maybe other gay shadowhunters would find the courage to come out too.

Magnus pursed his lips and lightly rubbed his chin. It wasn't that bad that the Lightwoods had been exiled to New York. His dark thoughts got suddenly interrupted by the creaking of sound of the door, followed by hurried footsteps.

"I'm so sorry that it took that long." Magnus' lips curved into a small smile. It was almost scary what the sound of a voice could do to him if it was the right voice. Whispered words, soft laughter laced into their sound. Magnus looked up and was met with two brilliant blue eyes that looked down at him apologetically, framed by hair as black as pure ink and contrasting with pale skin that reminded of the cold shine of moonlight. Sometime Magnus was concerned because of Alec's pale complexion. It wasn't the healthiest skin color, but then he watched his cheeks getting flooded with the red color of a blush that Alec could never hide and Magnus knew that everything was okay. This time though the color in his cheeks didn't come from blushing. He was breathing a little heavy and his hair was an even bigger mess than usually. He must have run on his way back from ... wherever he had been.

"I was starting to worry you might ha e forgotten about me", Magnus teased with a crooked smile and it was actually only half a joke. Alec knitted his brows and looked almost hurt as he stared down at Magnus with an unexpected determination in his eyes.

"I would never forget about you", he whispered and now the red color in his cheeks had nothing to do anymore with the cold air outside. It was one of these moments that Magnus was simply glad to have this boy ... no, young man.

"It's okay", he reassured. "What took you so long? Did you get ambushed on your way?" Once again, it was only a half joke. Alec put down the first-aid-kit he had brought with him and placed it next to Magnus on the makeshift bed.

"You could call it that way", he said with an amused snort. Then he pushed down the collar of the worn sweater he had changed into. White bandages could be seen underneath. "The nurses wouldn't let me go without tending my wounds first." Magnus raised one eyebrow and Alec raised both hands in a defensive gesture. "I know you wanted to check it for possible poisoning and other stuff and I promised after I'm finished with cleaning your wound I'll let you take a look ... and just so you know, those nurses can be scary."

At that Magnus simply grinned. "You're forgiven."

Alec beamed at him and Magnus wanted to hug him and never let go again. He watched the shadowhunter as he started to rummage through the first-aid-kit muttering to himself. "Okay, bandages, disinfectant - that's going to burn ..."

A soft whisper from the other side of the room caught Magnus' attention once again and he got reminded of the guy standing by the window. The warlock stole a carful glance at him. His two friends seemed to still be occupied with drawing runes and talking about something that could be seen through the window. But the one standing who had most likely a crush on Alec was completely occupied with ogling Alec that he didn't even notice Magnus and the warlock had the strong urge to stand up waving his hands and calling out 'Quit staring!'.

Then again he he knew that look of longing on the guys face very well. He was sure he himself had been wearing it for the most time of the past few weeks. He could understand that feeling ... but he could also see that the guy would never act on his desire. He didn't know what told him that. Maybe it was the way he was standing there by the window like he was frozen in place. Maybe it was how his jaw was set, how his eyes darted around only for a few seconds each time, but there was still that underlying fear of being caught. Alec had worn the same look, had felt the same fear and Magnus had felt the pain, had been angry with him. But Alec had managed to surprise him, to take his breath away, to sweep him of his feet, to make him fall for him all over again with just one moment, one kiss. He was proud of Alec who had defied his fear of the opinion of others. Maybe it was rushed, maybe a part of him regretted it to have done it in front of practically everyone, really everyone. But he was here, was searching through the bandages, was counting them, was making sure that there were enough to cover Magnus' wound. He was here, he was with him and he smiled. He was brave and he was his. He had his flaws, but he wouldn't be the one Magnus loved without them.

Magnus wouldn't let him get away anytime soon.

"I'm just getting some water to clean the wound. Is the pain bearable? It looks pretty bad." Alec tilted his head and took a closer look at the torn skin. It did hurt, a dull pounding vibrating through Magnus' body with every heartbeat, but it was ... okay, somehow. "I'm so sorry, that I didn't get back sooner."

Magnus didn't say anything. He only took in Alec's concerned face and a part of his heart melted. Such honest eyes, such an honest heart. He reached for the collar of Alec's sweater and gently pulled him closer to himself. Alec let out a surprised sound and tensed when their lips met, but only for a short moment. He kissed back, soft, shy and cautiously and Magnus could practically feel the heat of his flushed face on his skin. He pulled back and let go of Alec's collar.

"Uhm", Alec whispered, not really backing away yet, "not, that I don't appreciate it, but what was that for?"

"Just crushing some hopes", Magnus whispered back and he was pretty sure he could hear a frustrated sigh from the window. Alec knitted his brows as that determination crossed his face again. But before Magnus could ask what the reason was, Alec cautiously looked around the room. In an almost conspiratorial tone he asked in a low voice:

"Did somebody hit on you?"

Magnus laughed and it hurt because of the scratch next to his right eye, but he didn't care because he felt alive.

**That's it :) once again, I'm not really that fond of my one-shots, though I still kind of like them ... hmmm, just leave a review and tell me what you liked and what not, I'd appreciate it. :D**

**Bye Pumpkin **


	3. Be mine

**Hey :) it's me again, with another little one-shot :) this time from CoA when Jace goes to he Seelie Court and Alec stays in his place. I know it had been done a thousand times already, but I had this idea and I wanted to write it. :3**

traveling lover:** Thank you very much and I'm honored that I could make you laugh. :D**

TM58:** Thank you very much, glad you liked it. :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Be mine**

Alec had never thought of possessiveness as something good. He had never wanted to see himself as a possessive person because that was something bad. Bad people were possessive. Valentine was possessive. He had wanted the Mortal Cup and now the Mortal Sword and wherever he went people got hurt, people Alec cared about. They got hurt by Valentines possessiveness.

Sharing things was a good thing. One could share a piece of cake and it would make the other one smile. One could share a secret and it would weigh less on one's shoulders because two people were carrying it. One could share joy, tears, guilt ...? Alec had grown up with two siblings, after Jace had become a part of his family there had been three siblings to share with. It was something Alec had had to learn from the beginning and he had always thought that he was good at it, that it maybe was something he'd even be better at than Jace - though he would have never admitted that thought out loud.

But then they had met Clary and Alec and to admit to himself that maybe he wasn't as good as he had thought when it came to sharing things he loved. He had become jealous and had been mean to Clary for no real reason - other than his jealousy. She hadn't done anything wrong. She had just stumbled into a world of which nobody had told her the rules. Her mother had gone missing without a trace and Clary had simply been scared and confused. It hadn't been her fault that Jace liked her. It wasn't her fault that Jace wasn't gay, that Alec himself was, that he was crushing on his parabatai who he wasn't supposed to like in that way anyway. But Alec had hated, almost despised her and it had scared him. He had known that he was jealous, but he hadn't been able to stop himself from being jealous, he hadn't been able to stop the pain.

He had been possessive of Jace, of the time with him, of his attention ... and he had felt filthy for doing so. Alec had been disgusted with himself, so when the inquisitor had called Magnus 'his warlock' he had been scared.

"Well, fairies like to take their time, so we will have at least some hours to kill", Magnus' voice sounded from the door and as Alec looked up he could see the warlock leaning with his back against the door smiling at him. It was one of those warm smiles that that lit up his whole face. "What do you want to do?"

Shyly Alec returned the smile and felt his cheeks grow warm at the same time. His fingertips lightly drummed against the cup of coffee he was still holding. It was almost empty.

"How about another cup of coffee?", he tried to reply with the same light tone, but it didn't sound that convincing to his own ears and he doubted that it would sound any different to Magnus. Nervousness lay like a heavy ball in his stomach and it made him almost feel sick. It wasn't because he was alone with Magnus. He had been alone with him before and it hadn't felt like this. But this time it was different because the others knew they were alone. Magnus raised one eyebrow.

"Another cup? Darling, I haven't kept count on the cups you've had these past days, but it can't be healthy to drink that much. When was the last time you got a whole night of sleep anyway?"

Alec looked at him thoughtfully. "I didn't have that much", he muttered absent-mindedly, "and as a shadowhunter I'm used to little sleep."

Magnus didn't really look convinced or appeased in any way. He just raised the other eyebrow as well. "However, but as long as you are under my watch for the time being, you are getting some tea, mister." With those words he pushed himself off the door and sauntered over towards the kitchen. As he passed Alec he stopped for a short moment to give him a quick kiss on his forehead and to take the sup from his hands. Alec rolled his eyes and Magnus grinned before he disappeared into the kitchen. Alec frowned as the warlock actually stayed there because he knew that Magnus had a kitchen, but he had never seen him using it. He took off his coat and lay it across the back of one of the chairs around the table which was still there and Alec had the feeling that Magnus was thinking of keeping it. He smiled at the thought of how the warlock always seemed to manage making the weirdest combination of furniture work.

"You actually know how to use the stuff standing around here?", he teased when he reached the doorway which led to the kitchen finding Magnus standing by the sink and filling up a water boiler. "Why didn't you just summon a cup of tea like you have done with the coffee."

The nervousness in his stomach dissolved a little bit as he thought back to the last time he had had tea at Magnus' loft.

The warlock pursed his lips and then he smiled at Alec with that mischievous twinkle in his eyes that made Alec's world turn upside down.

"Oh, I would have", he said and his smile turned into a grin, "but there is that really cute guy, you know, and he seems to have a bit of a problem with that whole summoning-thing because he thinks of of it as stealing." The water boiler was full and Magnus turned off the water. He placed the water boiler next to the sink and turned it on before slowly walking over to Alec who was leaning against the doorframe. Magnus stopped with their faces only inches apart. "So I'm trying to impress him by showing off my kitchen-skills."

Alec felt his cheeks heating up, but he didn't back away or broke the eye contact. Then again, he wasn't quite sure if he'd been able to so if he had wanted to. Magnus' eyes had fascinated him since that party where they had first met and he still couldn't understand how anybody could ever hate or even be afraid of him because oft them. They were mesmerizing. This whole man, this warlock was fascinating. He was unique, self-confident, simply beautiful ... and powerful. It was something easily forgotten due to Magnus' carefree attitude, the colorful wardrobe, the young face; that he was actually a very powerful warlock. He was the high warlock of Brooklyn and not just some teenager who knew how to enjoy his life. A man like him and he hadn't objected when he was called 'Alec's warlock'. Alec felt his heartbeat speeding up and something grew in his chest, a feeling that overshadowed his nervousness completely. Greed.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, fear weighing down his tongue. Magnus sent him a puzzled look and raised one hand to softly caress Alec's cheek.

"What for?", he asked in a low careful voice. Alec took a deep shuddering breath and bit his lower lip.

"That the inquisitor called you ..." He felt his blush deepen again. "'my warlock'." Magnus' look turned from confused to amused and then he smiled crookedly. He had so many smiles and they all had an extraordinary quality to them. How could anybody ever want to kill someone who could smile like that? But before Magnus could say something in return, Alec continued:

"I would ... I would never claim to ..." He gulped. "... to own you, to even think of something like that being possible, that I'd ever be able to ... to ..." He voice faded till it finally died.

Magnus tilted his head a little bit to the right side and just like the fluttering feeling of guilt in Alec's guts the distance between them dissolved as well.

"What?", the warlock whispered and his fingers that had lingered on Alec's cheek before traveled down to his chin and he could feel his fingertip of Magnus' index finger softly pressing against his skin. "That you'd be able to do what?"

The warlock's voice was like a spell engulfing Alec's senses, calming his heartbeat, the turmoil in his head, the prickling sensation running across his skin.

"To ever hold any power over you." Alec moved his own hands. He disentangled his arms which he had crossed in front of his chest and placed his hands on Magnus' shoulders relishing the feeling of warm skin and cool silk. The lump in his throat disappeared and suddenly the words were easily formed by his lips. "To ever make someone like you even look twice at me, not to mention, to keep you looking at me." His fingers traced the fine silk till they reached Magnus' hips where they found the belt loops to hold onto him, hold him near, scared of letting him go, scared they'd never be this close again. It was a well-known fear which felt like thin ice on his skin. Every touch, every kiss, every smile, every word, every moment alone with him could be the last one he'd get. Alec could feel the ice harden on his skin, growing thicker with every passing moment. He was a shadowhunter. This fear had always been a part of his life. Every moment someone he loved could die. Every fight with his sister, with Jace could be the last. Why did it never feel like it did now?

Alec pressed himself against Magnus. The warlocks arms pulled him in, held him close, his lips silenced every dumb word that could have left Alec's mouth. And the ice melted away, leaving only a faint trace of the fear behind.

After breaking the kiss they simply stood there in the doorway that led to the kitchen and Magnus held Alec in a tight embrace, his arms firmly wrapped around his shoulders. He let Alec bury his face in the crook of his neck simply listening to the sound of his breathing.

"A lot is going on at the moment", Alec whispered and Magnus nodded. Alec could feel the motion against his head. He had wrapped his arms around the warlock's waist underneath the silk. Silence settled around them and then Magnus broke it after a while by speaking up again in a voice that was barely more than a whisper and still it sounded so loud through the loft as if he had let out a scream.

"Would you want to possess me?"

Alec could feel his body tense, but he stayed where he was because he knew that if he'd pull away now the ice would instantly come back. He remembered the ugly face of his jealousy when they had first met Clary, the stabbing pain of his desperation to keep Jace close. Never ever did he want to become that person again though he knew that it would always be a part of him. Maybe one day he would tell Magnus. Maybe someday he'd tell him of the ice on his skin, but for now ...

"I don't like the concept of possession." And with that he moved his head a litte bit to press a kiss against the skin of Magnus' neck. "I'd still like that cup of tea."

A soft chuckle vibrated through the warlock's chest and it made Alec wish that they had met under different circumstances.

'Be mine', a little voice in the back of his head screamed.

**That's it :) Please leave a review because I'm curious what you think about it :3 Tell me what you liked and what not. :)**

**And I'm thinking of maybe writing something about their journey in CoFA. Anybody interested? :)**

**Bye Pumpkin**


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